You should always take initiative when trying to find the common ground that you and your conversational partner inevitably share, even if you come from vastly different backgrounds and are after drastically different goals.Ī conversation with others necessarily requires you to give up some control, as you can’t really be sure what others will say or think over the course of the dialogue. This involves honesty and integrity on the part of both parties. No matter what you are discussing, all dialogues should eventually revolve around finding mutual purpose. Try to determine what your conversational partner is feeling or thinking and be sincere in your curiosity. A great way to draw people back into the conversation fully is to engage your curiosity and ask them questions. Choose your words carefully and pay attention to how others are responding to your dialogue to see if you need to make adjustments and change your tone of voice.ĭuring conversations with high emotional or business stakes, many people adopt defensive postures right off the bat or in response to something you or another said. It doesn’t matter how right you are in an argument if no one respects you enough to listen. The book also makes it quite clear that the way in which we say our thoughts and statements matters a great deal. You must also be willing to change how you say things for the good of the conversation as a whole. You must be competent enough to state your opinion multiple times without becoming insulting. Instead, be open and accept the challenge. If you say something and another person challenges what you meant, don’t take it as a personal insult. There are always options within a dialogue.Įveryone has a unique viewpoint in the world, and that viewpoint sometimes causes others to perceive certain statements in ways we did not intend. These usually increase hostility within a discussion group and make people feel as though you aren’t allowing them to properly express themselves.
The book describes fool’s choices as either/or choices, which limit the flow of the discussion and artificially truncates the endpoints for the discussion. Not only does this show that you are an active listener, but it also prevents miscommunications and misunderstandings from running rampant throughout the discussion. Speaking of listening, one of the best ways you can make sure that you are taking in what your conversational partner wants you to understand is to paraphrase what they just said. Listening is not just numbly nodding your head. This involves asking questions and mirroring the body posture of those you are conversing with. Whenever you are in a discussion with others and the stakes are high, it’s important that you remember to listen carefully to what others tell you.
CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS WORKBOOK HOW TO
We all know how to talk, but too few of us know how to actively listen.
Doing this frequently will also help you become a better conversationalist in the long run. You need to be able to evaluate your own reactions and the words as you are within a discussion so you can adjust as necessary.
A 3 Minute Summary of the 15 Core LessonsĪll three authors of the book suggest that learning to self-monitor yourself is critical for having successful high-stakes conversations with regularity. The book discusses how to handle high-stakes conversations and how to handle disagreements, particularly in high-stakes business and relationship scenarios. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Stakes are High is a 2001 book by Joseph Grenny, Al Switzler, and Ron McMillan.
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